People are just people. Wherever you go. Born into families, building survival mechanisms, doing the best they can in the reality they’ve created. Living in our boxes of various shapes and sizes. Playing out thought patterns, habit patterns, behavior patterns, weather patterns, over and over.
Home gym home job home soccer practice home gym home job home soccer practice
Breakfast lunch dinner breakfast lunch dinner
New normal old new normal old
Spring summer winter fall spring summer winter fall
I love you I hate you goodbye I love you I hate you goodbye
And we live like we have no control over it. Like these patterns are just what they are. “Well I’d love to peruse that hobby but there’s just not enough time what with this job and these kids.”
Make time. Get a new job. Bring your kids. Stop scrolling so much. There is always a way. Sometimes we aren’t willing to see it.
In reality we live so much of life like it is what it is and we’ve got no control.
Sitting here in Denver Colorado, I feel like I’ve somehow hijacked the system. Like I’ve found my way out of the matrix. Into the land of freedom.
The interesting thing is, there is guilt around it. Why should I be the one to get to live this life? If others “can’t” then I should maybe play smaller, make myself busier, find something more productive to do or find something to worry about instead of sitting down and writing, or playing with Brisket, or taking a nap, or staring at the ceiling.
Who am I to get to do that?
There is also the feeling like I’m skipping school. Like I’m doing something naughty and against the grain. Like I’ve somehow pulled off the biggest sneakiest heist on the planet and gotten away with it. Maybe I should conform, get back in line with the others.
Who am I to get to be here.
I am learning to create a new thought pattern in reaction to these limiting beliefs. I am starting to get good at constantly reminding myself that I’ve earned it. That I created a dream 10 years ago and hustled long hours, nights, and weekends to get here. Always keeping that quote “do now what others won’t do in order to have later what others can’t have” in the back of my mind.
I became so accustomed to that level of work that I have to remind myself that I did it. That I poured in all those hours, that emotional investment. I’ll sleep when I die used to be my motto.
Looking back I can see how I probably could have gotten there with a little more balance but rarely is hindsight anything other than 2020.
And here we are. On a Wednesday. I’ve just finished packing and playing fetch with Brisket and I’ve got an hour scheduled to write.
The funny thing is, if I really look at it, it is not that I’m no longer working. It is that I am shifting my roles and responsibilities. My job is now content and coaching heavy. Running group coaching calls for my KCIT girls, creating videos and podcasts, honing my writing skills. Doing the things I love the most. Creating things that serve all of you.
This is all new to me. Stepping back. Being a business owner instead of being self employed. It’s pretty cool honestly. Terrifying at times to trust parts of my 10 year old baby to others but they are doing great. They are all so passionate about our mission at Krash Course of sustainably changing lives to create more love, light, joy, and health on the planet. We are all learning and growing together. We are becoming a family. 🙂
I leave Denver today and head back to Huntington Beach for two weeks.
I am going back to my home with no home. I still have a car which I need to sell with a few teaming items in the trunk. Our home for 14 days is an Extended Stay America, thanks to summer rates on air bnb’s and regular hotels. But I’m excited for it. It will be a little adventure in and of itself.
I haven’t been the slightest bit homesick since I left two weeks ago. No longing for my bed as I predicted and shared about in a blog post and on the Krissy Krash Podcast a few months ago. In fact, I was more homesick then, sitting at home, than I am right now.
Usually about this time in a trip, I would be dying to get home and settle back in. I would be so exhaustingly and anxiously ready to meal prep and “get back to normal.” But now, this is is my new normal. Travel is normal. And it feels good. There is no deep yearning to get back to “home” because home is where I am.
And who knows, this could be because I’ve been surrounded by friends and family these last few weeks, visiting family in Seattle and my bestie B-Train here in Denver. Brisket and I have yet to be completely solo in our travels.
But that new adventure will bring what it brings in a few weeks.
If I have learned anything it is that the future is far more terrifying in our brains than in reality, unless we intentionally focus our thoughts. The reality is that the future is completely unpredictable and it will always simply be what it will be and we will deal with it when we get there.
For now, I’m excited to see some friends these next few weeks, to connect with and say goodbye as the pup and I head to Europe for 4 months.
I am truly embracing the gift of nothing. No piles of stuff shoved in closets to occupy my brain and define me. No solid plans on where we will go, who we will meet, what we will do. Though these are the questions everyone asks me daily and I think I disappoint or confuse them when I answer “I don’t really know.” That answer feels good to me but feels odd to share.
I am slowly practicing the art of taking a bit of time each day to do nothing. Sit and listen to the fan whirr, play fetch with my dog, notice my breathe and when I start to hold it instead of letting it flow. I catch myself deep in something seemingly urgent and completely unimportant on my phone and have to simply say “put it down and be HERE, Krissy.”
It took me 3 months to empty you my closet and clean out all my physical stuff. I can expect it to take a hefty amount of time to clear out my mental stuff as well. The small things I did daily for years that my team has taken over. The tasks that set of an alarm system in my head but in reality can be done later. I am learning to let them go, to create mental space.
I’ve created successes in my life by being mentally on the go 24/7 and now it’s time to take a well earned mental rest from the hum of anxiety and love but also shift gears in the driven nature that has help me get this far.
I am learning to live with gratitude, trust and peace rather than guilt, shame, and fear.
Just as I look back now and see where I could have created more space for myself as I pursued this dream, I am also looking at today as the memories that future Krissy will look back on and I am committed that she look back and say “wow, I soaked in every last drop of the goodness of each day.”
I think we all can take some time to soak it up.
To give future us amazing memories to look back on.
To break the habit patterns in little ways that remind us that we are alive.
Because we live once.
And it will be gone before we know it.
Don’t waste it.
One pause, one breathe, one out of the ordinary action to create enough space to see the matrix we are living in and to either have gratitude for it or to make a plan to step out of it.
There is always choice.
But only if we choose to see.
A Krash Course in World Travel 
❤ what I'm reading. It's very insightful & earthy.