Wide Fucking Open

It’s crazy to think that I’ve spent half of my life in Southern California.

I moved here when I was 18 and now I’m leaving at 36.

I’ve gone through so many different phases of my life here. College, starving graduate, teacher, bartender, party girl, fitness girl, roller derby. It’s fun to reflect and mind boggling to think about.

I’ve fallen in and out of love many times over here.

Learned lessons the hard way.

Had amazing victories.

Celebrated.

Laughed.

Cried.

Questioned my existence.

It’s been a rich 18 years of growth and exploration and despite leaving here with a few extra scars (inside and out) I’m all the better for the journey I’ve had and I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything else.

I’ve been so many different people.

It feels like a lifetime but at the same time I remember pulling up to my college dorm room 18 years ago in my little Honda CRX with my mom and my brother.

It’s crazy to think about the little girl that moved to California almost 2 decades ago.

I couldn’t have ever in my wildest dreams predicted the life that I would live here.

And as I move into this next chapter of my life traveling the world, exploring people and places,

I get to remember that we can only predict and plan so much.

Life has in store for us whatever it is that life has in store for us and as much as we’d like to think that we have some sort of control over it, so much of that control is made up in our heads.

As much as I tell you that you can be or do or have anything, there is only so much that we can predict and plan for.

I am so fascinated by that unknown.

Life is unfolding in front of us.

So here we are, setting off to Europe for four months with no real plans and a loose plan to head to central America at the beginning of 2020 But that’s about all we know.

The future is wide fucking open.